How to Set Boundaries When Having Casual Sex
Casual sex can be tricky to navigate at times but if it’s something you’re interested in it’s worth pursuing. If you want to engage in casual sex it’s important to establish your own boundaries so that your expectations are clear to your partners. Avoid sticky situations and make sure everything is crystal clear and your casual hookups will be everything you want to be.
RELATED: 12 Things You Need to Know Before Casual Sex
Before you get into casual sex, it’s good to understand what that really means. No strings attached sex sounds exciting to all of us, but sex can get complicated. We all know that sex can induce strong feelings but casual sex is about strictly physical fun sans relationship. Make sure you are ready to jump into bed without developing strong feelings for your partner before you try casual sex. If you’re all in for this, then keep reading for more tips on how to establish boundaries!
1. Be clear
You know exactly what you want, and now it’s important to make sure your partners know what you want as well. If you find yourself hooking up with someone, it’s of the utmost importance that you let them know you are only looking for something casual and nothing more. This step is easy, just make sure you two have a conversation before getting physical and you should be in the clear.
2. Set your expectations
We all have different expectations when it comes to casual hookups. For some, a playful, friends with benefits type of relationship is ideal, for others, it’s strictly about hot, sexy fun. Make sure you know what your expectations are when it comes to casual sex so that you can accurately communicate this to your potential partners.
3. Be on the same page
Now that your expectations are set and clear, it’s time to find a person who is on the same page as you. If you’re looking for a friend with benefits it’s important to find someone who is also looking for the same thing. It’s also important to make sure that your partner isn’t looking for something more than casual. A quick way to hurt someone’s feelings is to engage in casual sex when one of you is looking for a relationship. Make sure you are both looking for a casual hookup and your experience will be much better.
4. Yes means yes
When talking about boundaries it’s always relevant to talk about consent. Most people know about ‘no means no,’ but an even more surefire way to get consent is to follow the ‘yes means yes’ rule. From the get-go, it’s smart to ask your partner if it’s okay to proceed with the action and get a positive confirmation. You should utilize ‘yes means yes’ when engaging in sex to make sure both you and your partner are comfortable with everything that’s happening.
5. Keep it playful
With casual sex, it’s all about having a simple, sexy fun so keep it playful. This means avoiding super serious topics, like children and marriage. Of course, it’s great to have some witty banter and flirty conversations, but keep politics and religion out of it. Keep it lighthearted and you’re sure to have a great time.
6. Don’t get possessive
Remember, if you’re pursuing casual sex, you also have to follow the rules of engagement. If you’ve decided to do engage in casual sex, you probably have multiple partners and your partners may have multiple partners as well. You’ll have to be okay with this and forget about being possessive. Casual sex and exclusivity don’t ty[pically go hand in hand so make sure your cool with that.
7. Use safe words
Once you’re in the bedroom you’ll still need to establish boundaries. Since you may not know your partner all that well, a good way to establish sexual boundaries is by using safewords. Decide on an unusual word that you can both use if things in the bedroom are going in a direction someone is uncomfortable with. Use a safe word to make sure everyone’s boundaries are being respected.
8. Avoid relationship behavior
Get all thoughts of a serious relationship out of your head! Engaging in casual hookups means you’re not expected to act like a boyfriend or girlfriend. It can also send mixed messages if you’re treating your casual hookup like a serious relationship. So make sure to keep it casual so that no one gets confused in the long run.
9. Separate it from your personal life
Separate your hookup from your real life in order to keep it casual. If you’re a casual hookup is already your friend or co-worker, you’re just asking to complicate things. Keep it the casual sex in a category unto itself to avoid complicated social dynamics.
10. Don’t be afraid to move on
One of the perks of casual sex is that it’s easy to end it and move on if you want to. The beauty of no strings attached is that you don’t have to go through a messy breakup. If you’re not feeling it anymore, just let the person know how you feel and call it quits. No need to have a long, drawn-out conversation, just be upfront about how you feel.
Remember these tips to establish boundaries in your casual hookups and you’re one step ahead of the game. Casual relationships can sometimes lead to hurt feeling but that problem is easy to avoid as long as your a clear in your communication. Just remember to establish exactly what you’re looking for and everyone will have a great time.